Adversity - It made me what I am today

Note: click on the link, and listen as you read - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPvjvQtWzMs

"Here, sleep, at the bottom of hell...Your time has come to pick the road you'll walk in this tale"

I died twice in one night, September 17th, 2006.

My future ex-wife was told to take my daughter home, and prepare her to understand that at 4 years old - her dad was gone. But, I am stubborn. I have been since I was a child. Stubborn, opinionated. No quit in me. I would work 7 days a week and further my career to give my kid what I never got - and nothing could stop me.

I guess I misjudged the "nothing could stop me" part a tiny bit.

I was diagnosed a diabetic. I carried too much weight, ate REALLY wrong and stressed too much. I thought doctors just wanted my 15 minute slot to fill their quota. I went to bed with the "flu" August 31st, 2006, hospitalized September 17th, and released from hospital November 24th, 2006. I got out of bed/on my feet 6 months after that. On crutches. I never stood on my right foot again.

"Victims pay the price eventually...The cost, let's see... your life"

I lost my right leg, below my knee in March, 2008. I turned it all around the day I left the hospital. Losing my leg was MY choice. It gave me freedom of movement, to wear what shoes I wanted. To live my life without being impeded. An easy choice. I am stubborn, right? I looked at my illness, my "disability" as a sign that I needed to change my path in life. I began talking about the dangers of the lifestyle path I had taken, learning, informing, promoting. I ran concerts, I ran celebrity auctions, I did radio interviews and did my best to educate people using the medium I loved the most, music.

I had started becoming the man I was meant to be.

My now ex-wife did not share my vision that working myself into the grave for personal net gain was a part of my life I needed to get rid of.  But I did -  and she was part of that removal process. I lost my wife, my house, and most of my "stuff".

But, I became more of the man I wanted to be, and more importantly, a better Dad. My daughter is now turning 11, and my greatest success.

"Your answer is in there, just stare down the barrel...Your sincerest apologies, won't write you out of this one"

I look back at my life thus far as a mix of happiness, reflection and a clear recognition of what is, and is not important. Regret, anger, depression, they have one thing in common. They do not take away what has been. They are a constant reminder to have a strong moral fibre, a direction, and above all, to remember that narcissism generally leads you down a path to nothing special. I have half of my life left. I refuse to waste it, or to compromise my new direction. I will make mistakes, fall, face adversity and at times ridicule. 

I am going to do it my way, without regret.  

In regards to my initial paragraph above, no, there were no bright lights, soft music playing, friendly warm faces waiting for me. Take my advice - live your life in THIS lifetime. Do not wait for what you hope is waiting on the "other" side. There is never a wrong time to decide on a path that is not only good for yourself, but for those around you, and that COULD be affected by you.

"Don't cry, boy...When your sick to the stomach, just pull out the knife."

Mother Superior - Coheed and Cambria - 2007